moving abroad | ♫Freedom Reigns In This Place...♫

Today marks 1 week until the big moving day. I love the idea of moving. Moving for me, has always been a time to go through everything and decide if it’s still needed. A time to donate, recycle, throw away. I love that feeling.

Moving from one country to another though, even the second time around – doesn’t have the same sense of excitement.

Don’t get me wrong – this move for us is very exciting. We’ve been working towards this move for almost 3 years now and I really feel in my heart that it’s the right step for us. But because we are leaving behind half of our family, our home, our cats, for Ricardo – his job… We both feel like there is a little black cloud hanging above the “bubble” that we find ourselves in.

I’ve always referred to living in Mexico as living in a bubble. For the last 2 years I have worked part time for my sister’s company which I am beyond grateful for. I have made my own working hours, my own days off and worked as little or as much as I have wanted to. I have little responsibilities in Mexico and have really embraced the slow paced lifestyle. Mexico to me, has been simply incredible. The bubble that I have been living in is about to pop. I’ve been dreading it, I’ve been scared of it, and I’ve been trying to ignore the fact that it’s just a week away. “Life” starts again in 1 week. I will go back to working full time, paying rent, bills, car insurance, gas and all the other expenses that come up. I wish the bubble could last forever…

As I was working last week a song came on that couldn’t have summed up the last 2 years better for me. Where I was back then, and where I feel I am today. The lyrics of this song are so powerful.

Living in Mexico hasn’t been all roses. I have had several moments where I felt discouraged that Ricardo wasn’t able to travel back with me to Canada. During our immigration process I felt at many times my faith was being tested, and although I was determined, the thought of giving up wasn’t very far from my mind.

This song says “Ain’t about how fast I get there, ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side – it’s the climb” and “I may not know it, but these are the moments I’m gonna remember most, just gotta keep going…” This is so true and it didn’t take long for me to realize that the immigration time lines or the start of our Canadian adventures didn’t matter – it was everything in between that was important.
I think the very hardest part of moving back to Canada is the fact that I already know that in 6 months, 1 year, 10 years – I will look back on life in Mexico and think “That was the best time of my life!” Mexico is where, for the first time I saw my dad’s “other side” – the side that is genuinely happy. (He loves Mexico just as much as I do and has lived/visited here for more than 8 months since I’ve been here.) It has been really special getting to know this side of him and I’m so thankful for the times that we had here. On the beaches of Puerto Vallarta I watched my Mom and Ricardo face their fears and go parasailing, a proud moment for me. From the Mayan Palace to Hotel Sheraton I had the opportunity to introduce Ricardo to my family and show them a bit of the Mexican Culture. Most importantly here is where I met the three most precious girls in my life, who I am so unbelievably proud of and who I will miss more than I can even put into words. Mis chicas, TKM!

It’s hard to close that door, it’s hard to walk away from the best time of my life. But, it needs to be done – so I’m putting one foot in front of the other and trying my best to move forward.

I don’t know what Canada has in store for us but what I do know is that Mexico and the experiences that I have had here, will always hold a very special place in my heart.

Today marks the end of Week #3 living in my new home. I thought this would be a good time to give you an update of how things *really* have been.

Moving to Mexico sounds amazing, especially when coming from somewhere cold such as Canada. Palm trees, a warm breeze that blankets you, rolling ocean waves, and relaxation. Those things are all fantastic, and you can enjoy those things while on vacation, however moving here is not so glamorous.

The first 4 days of moving in, I cried daily and missed home. I would be happy one minute, and then sad the next. I’d see my niece and nephews on Skype and the tears would flood my face once again.

For the first week I was so unhappy, dreading having to live here for the next 2 years. Ricardo and I had lived together for 2 months previously, but even moving in with him I was unsure of once I arrived. I questioned my decision, I questioned my feelings, I questioned our relationship. I questioned absolutely everything.

Our new home was not fully furnished and needed the big appliances for the kitchen as well as many other things. I felt sick to my stomach thinking of spending 2000+ dollars on things to create a home here, only to possibly move back to Canada. Moving back and forgetting about the whole idea did not seem like it was too far away. For the first week, my suitcases stayed packed.

Lucky for me, I have an amazing boyfriend. He totally understood my rollercoaster of emotions. He accepted that I was depressed, and he hung onto any moment where he saw a glimpse of the old me, the one that was happy to be with him.

Ricardo and I in December 2010

About a week into living here, we headed to Home Depot to buy an air conditioner. In total, everything was going to cost $500 for the air conditioner and supplies. I also looked into getting a washer and dryer as we needed that as well. When it came time to say “Yes, go ahead and deliver that tomorrow.” My heart felt like it was going to fall out of my chest, I felt an anxiety attack coming on at full force and tried my hardest to hold back the tears.

“I cannot do this. I cannot commit to this right now.” I said.

Ricardo, again very understanding suggested we buy the washer and dryer when I am more confident and when my mind is in the right place. To avoid me feeling overwhelmed, he paid for the air conditioner.

Things got a little better after the air conditioner was put in our bedroom. I at least was able to sleep between 12am-4am which seemed to be the hottest time at night. I was thankful that I had a little piece of Canada, a nice cold breeze. (We have since named our bedroom “Canada” and the rest of the house “Mexico”)

Heading into the second week, my health was taking a nose dive. My lack of hunger stemmed from the huge temperature change that I needed to somehow adjust to. The house was already hot enough, the thought of turning on a gas stove and cooking was the furthest from my mind. This left me to eat ‘fast’ unhealthy meals such as noodles in a cup or cereal. Everytime I ate my stomach would be in such excruciating pain I’d lay in bed for the rest of the day.

After being in bed for 3 days I was exhausted, I had no energy and I just wanted to go back to Canada. Ricardo tried to get me to see a doctor during this time but I knew what I really needed was some vegetables and nutritious meals. After refusing to see a doctor, Ricardo decided to take it upon himself to see one for me. Off he went one morning, and came back with medicine, a healthy energy drink, and a bag of fresh vegetables. Finally, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I was feeling much better on Day 4.

Going into the third week I can finally say the only time I cried was during Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and not because I missed Canada! I am 100% sure this was the right decision for me to move here. I’m not second guessing our relationship, Ricardo couldn’t be more amazing. My suitcases are unpacked and put away, and I am ready to conquer Home Depot.

Bring on Week 4, I am ready!